The goal of a first date is to see if you are compatible. And a great first date can lead to a second date! So how can you be assured your first date is successful?

1. KISS.
No, not the physical act of kissing, even though that may happen on a first date. KISS, as in "Keep It Simple Sally/Steve". Make your first date a coffee date. Just coffee. Nothing elaborate or drawn out. No four course meal at a fancy restaurant. No dinner, movie, dessert, etc. Just a simple coffee date - where the man buys the woman a cup of coffee / tea. The purpose is to talk, to get to know each other better, to take a look at one another - up close.

Meet in a public coffee shop or café. Any time of the day is fine. Arrange to meet for about 30 - 60 minutes. Keeping additional time open is nice, in case you really hit it off, but even then, keep the first date under 90 minutes.

2. Find Common Ground.
Talk. Ask questions. Listen. Find out about your date's likes and dislikes, their values, what's important to them, what makes them feel special, what qualities they're looking for in a partner.

And, listen for things you have in common. People like people who are similar to themselves, not different. So when you date says they really like hiking and you do too - speak up. Get curious and ask questions. "Where is your favorite trail?" "Have you ever hiked up Mt. Si?" "What's your favorite time of the year to hike?" You get the picture.

When you date says "Me too!" you know you've found something you have in common and discovering those things makes people feel closer to one another.

3. End on a High Note.
Even if the date is going great and the sparks are flying, don't over-do it; keep the first date short. Say something positive, let them know you really enjoyed meeting them, then say goodbye. Don't wait for the date to become boring or drawn-out.

If you sense things are winding down, it's always better to end while everyone is having fun and is in a good mood, than to risk either of you getting tired or running out of things to talk about.

Always leave your date wanting more.

It's best to have a great first date then schedule time to meet again if you really like each other.

Are you dating to find your life partner?

Most people assume people date to find that special someone to share the rest of their life with. But that's not always the case.

There are four major reasons for dating. The first is for fun and friendship. Someone to hang out with and do activities with.

Another dating reason is for social connection. This gives singles a sense of community and a way to spend time with others who share common interests.

Another reason to date is for sex. If this appeals to you, be very clear to those you're dating about your purpose. Go out and have sex - safe sex. However, don't fool yourself into thinking your sex partner will turn into your life partner. It rarely happens.

On the other hand, if you're feeling drawn to have sex because you're "touch starved," get regular massages rather than jumping into bed with the first person who shows interest in you. Get a monthly massage at a minimum. A weekly massage is impera­tive if you haven't experienced healthy touch in a while.

And the fourth reason to date is to find a life partner.

If you're on your quest to find your life partner, you need to be truly single, ready and available.

That sounds like common sense, doesn't it? But it's not. Too many people are looking for a life partner long before they're ready.

If you're separated from your spouse, whether legally separated or not - you're still married! People who are separated need to be working on their marriage or their divorce, not dating. Dating is a distraction from the business at hand and only confuses the issues.

If you are dating to find your life partner, be sure to take the time to clarify your non-negotiable requirements for a long-term relationship.

Regardless of your reason for dating, just be sure of your intention and be clear and be able to communicate your desires to the people you date. Be up-front about your purpose and do not lead anyone into thinking you're looking for a life partner if you're not.

Happy dating!

What would dating be without flirting? The art of flirting is the art of making someone else feel attractive - in a tasteful, understated way. Flirting is fun. It signals that we're interested in someone. And flirting can be the beginning of a wonderful relationship.

5 Keys:

1. Eye contact. 
Your first contact with someone attractive will probably be a glance, so eye contact is extremely important. You can convey interest, confidence and non-sleaziness all in a glance. 

When you're letting someone know you like them, look into their eyes just a fraction longer than you normally would, then look away. Don't overwhelm the moment with emotional weight. But keep looking. Look back; look again; be caught gazing when they've looked away. Show interest, but don't ogle. 

There are some gender differences here. Women - you can be pretty obvious. Men - by "gazing," we mean gazing at a woman's face. If she catches you looking southward, particularly while she's talking to you, you may be done.

2. Smile. 
That's it. Smile a lot. Everyone likes smiling.

3. Touch. 
Careful. Establish interest before you move into this step. Men especially need to be careful. If you're subtle, touching can be extremely effective. 

Men, brush hands. Touch her arm or her back when you get her a drink. Stand a touch closer than you normally would - but just a touch. Don't back her into a wall. 

Women, you can be more obvious. You can touch his arm or his hands. Quietly touch your own face, your neck and your legs. Subtly indicate your sexual interest is being aroused.

4. Talk. 
You do not need an opening line. In fact, a bland, general comment can work better. You can show interest in a non-threatening, non-committal way. From there you can build on a mutual topic of interest. 

Be sure to listen as much as you talk. Show a great deal of attention to what your interest has to say.

5. Practice. 
Practice makes perfect. Perfect your own style. Flirting is like a muscle. Use it or lose it.

Social scientists will tell you a woman crosses her legs when she's sexually interested and that men stand taller and lower their voices. Maybe that's true, but it's also true that flirting is not a science. 

Be sensitive to your interest's signals. They may not align with your flirtation manual. Be flexible and change course as needed.